


life of everliving

by Okumen



Category: Itsuwaribito Utsuho
Genre: Gen, Spoilers, end of series spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:17:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2129877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okumen/pseuds/Okumen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Except he wasn't because he was no one and nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	life of everliving

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the person behind amuse-the-guardian@tumblr, as well as for rainbowpuke@dw, originally posted on dreamwidth.

He had been nothing. Literally nothing and no one.

Thrown away in the forest by the woman who bore him, the one whom was supposed to be his mother, the one whom was supposed to love him. The one whom was supposed to have given birth to him but it was weird, he wasn't born, somehow, he just _was_.

Except he _wasn't_ because he was no one and nothing. Not even born.

He had been all alone, _terrified_.  
Without being able to move, at the foot of the mountain.  
For such a long time, just craving for life, just wanting to be something.  
To be some _one_.

Then God came.

He saved him.  
Gave him a body and saved him from his own despair.  
And he would do anything for him, had done anything he was told.

And he had become something. Had become _someone_.

He had been _alive_.

Had seen so many die in front of his eyes, killed so many of those searching for the Treasure.  
Had warned them, and seen them take no heed to his words.

Then he met Minori.

The weirdest, most unladylike woman he had ever met.  
The most cheerful, most energic.

She was probably partly crazy, he thought.

Even before he had given her the Eye Stone, she had pushed him into a creek and laughed in his face.  
_Don't be so gloomy! Laugh!_  
And he had, after she pulled off some weird stunt of making her hair look like a beard on her pretty face.

It was the first time that he actually laughed.

Being around Minori was completely different from being around God.  
In the beginning, he had just thought she was weird.  
But as time passed, he came to enjoy her company.

He started to actually _live_.

Realized that while he had a life, while he had a body, while he had a goal, he had not been _alive_ until he met her.

He thought she was amazing.  
And he became sure that she would be able to save God, and help him revive Mana.

He was wrong.

When God killed Minori, when he said it didn't work, it felt as if something broke inside of him.

He hadn't known that he could cry.

But she had taught him something important.  
_Live life laughing!_  
And he decided that he would.

Laughing, living, for her sake.  
Hoping that she wouldn't hate him, thinking that she did.

・‥…━━━★

But not everyone was very keen on playing his games, so the amount of people that he helped searching for the Treasure decreased, even if he still brought people along to God.  
People that he never cared for, that he felt no regret about killing.

・‥…━━━★

That was when Utsuho-kun, Pochi, Nee-chan, and Doctor-kun showed up.

He had thought that saving people was stupid.  
Been reminded of Minori, who gathered the Treasure for the sake of her village.  
Had hurt, but smiled.

When he gave Utusho the Treasure, he had thought everything was over.

But it wasn't.

Utsuho told him to come, just like Minori, to stop looking at the world with such sad eyes.  
So he went.

And he was glad he did.

Because while it hurt being around them all, knowing that one day, they would have to die by his hand, he loved being around this group of crazy, insane people.  
People who didn't think of him as a monster.

And he lived again.

But all things must come to an end, he knew that.  
He wouldn't make the same mistake as he did with Minori.  
Wouldn't get attached to them.

He used Doctor-kun as an outlet once he realized that he had.  
He was attached.  
He didn't want them to die.  
Not a single one of them.  
He couldn't hurt them.

He asked them to stop.

But they wouldn't.

・‥…━━━★

He felt sorry for God.  
Because he lied to himself, convinced himself over and over, that he would be able to bring his beloved one back.  
But he couldn't.  
Both God and Hikae knew this.  
So he felt sorry for him.

And wanted to save him.  
Just like God had saved him.

・‥…━━━★

Scared of rejection, he asked them for help.

And he was granted it.

All of them said they wanted to help.  
That he was mean for doubting them.  
For expecting that they would turn their backs on him.

They got mad at him.  
For putting himself in danger.  
For even thinking about putting himself in danger.  
For not trusting them.

He was happy.

・‥…━━━★

She told him to come back safely.  
That she would cry if he didn't.  
_Hime-sama._

He promised he would.  
Because he didn't want her to cry.

He broke that promise.

He couldn't come back to them.


End file.
